Gotta Love France
by Akuma chan1234
Summary: France makes something very clear... Based off of an rp on Facebook. OOC and utter crack awaits...


**This is based off of an rp on Facebook. I own none of the characters.**

oOoOo

The UN had just finished the insanely long and boring meeting and were off to do whatever they did before the meeting the next day. As they charged to the door, they were stopped by a note that hung in their way to freedom.

_Dear all of you,_

_I am coming for your vital regions. There is no escape, and there are no exceptions._

_3 France_

This, of course, caused mass panic and chaos throughout the room. There were screams of "Oh my God!" and "Never!" mixed in.

"Why would he want mine? They smell like hamburgers." America calmly stated, like it was the most normal thing a person (or nation) could say.

Norway, being himself, decided to write back to France. A sloppily written note was tapped to the door, right under France's.

_Dear France,_

_I control the Vikings. Do you want to mess with me?_

_/3 Norway_

This, changed the topic of chaos completely, and all of the nations were trying to out-do each other in awesome.

"Oh yeah? Well I have pirates!" England yelled, obviously wanting to go home.

"I have guns," America countered.

France, who was hiding in the back of the group, interrupted. "I have love! Not to mention the best style on the face of the Mother Russian PLANET!"

America was getting a little mad right now. "I have a Navy, Air Force, CIA, Army, Marines… You wore a dress for the better part of the 17th century!"

"I have tomatoes and churros!" Spain announced.

"I have the Codpiece. Do I need to say more?"

"Well I have magic, knights, and pirates! So there, you bloody wanker!"

"I have guns, nukes, and DEMOCRACY!"

Spain, being the pedo he is, decided to say that he owned Chibi!Romano.

France put his hand on his hip in a girly way. "Oh yeah, I'll be snatching your chibi forms too. PEDOBEAR APPROVES."

America's voice got low and serious. "I have the most feared weapon of all…"

France didn't look amused, but started to guess what it was. "Hamburgers?" America immediately followed with a no. France tried again. "My help?" "Nope! I have… REBECCA BLACK!"

Norway followed with an uncharacteristic "Oh my God!"

"Taste my horrible music! BWAHAHA!"

"Nooo!" Norway yelled.

"Heh. Autotune always wins."

"Oh mon dieu! Oh wait… I have the accordion!"

"I have pancakes!" Canada scared everyone with his sudden presence. America had to fix the 'Canada is being noticed' problem. "Stay out of this Mattie!"

"Well I have Justin Beaver!"

America freaked. "No! We all lose to that!"

France also had the urge to put the cosmos around Canada's invisibility back in place. "Does Mother even know you're out? It's pretty late. GO HOME, MATTIE! GO HOME!"

"Never!"

America had to get rid of Canada once and for all. "Mattie let's go play catch!"

Canada's face paled. "Dear God no!"

"Are you sure? We had so much fun last time!"

"NO. We didn't. I got injured!"

France has had enough of this. "LEAVE MATTIE ALONE, ALFRED!"

"Stay out of this, France!" America yelled. "Mattie you were just slow!

"Alfred, I'll get into anything I want to get into!"

"You'll just make us fail!"

"I'll make you do much more than fail, Arthur. So, so much more."

"I'm not Arthur. God."

" ...I'm...I'm so sorry. Sometimes my fantasies of what could've been cloud my reality without him."

"England's Arthur. And I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo!"

France randomly blurted out, "I WANT YOU ALL! MUAHAHAAAA!"

"I'M YOUR HALF CHILD FRANCIS. At least YOU should be able to tell us apart. SPAIN YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN THE UN!" America screamed.

"Says who? You know what, screw this, guys. I'm gonna go eat a tomato." Spain got up and left the meeting room.

"I did it on PUUUUUUURRRRRPOOOOOOSSSSEEE. I wanted to make a vague reference to WWI. I love AAAAALL my chilluns!" France said. Loudly.

"I don't think I want you to love too much…" Canada said, regaining balance in the world.

"Mattie, just come over here and I'll help you like I always do, because I'M THE HERO!"

"But you never notice me so you couldn't have helped me before."

"I'm your brother dude. Of course I notice you."

France's rape face slowly forms. "Matt, I'll love you until you're strong enough to let go of Iggy. Just come here. That's all I want."

"FRANCIS GET OUT OF HERE." America paused for a second. "And put your pants back on dude. Seriously."

"AHHHH!" Canada screams as he runs away.

"When have you EVER known me to wear pants to one of these meetings, Alfred?"

"Since you stopped wearing those tunics. Arthur told me about those. They sound kinda freaky dude."

"But I miss them. They made me feel so free."

"Kolkolkolkol. BECOME ONE WITH MOTHER RUSSIA!" Russia said. Wait. When did Russia get here?

"NUUUU!" Canada yelled.

America cursed, "Damn commie!" He paused and randomly said, "ARTHUR. I DON'T WANT YOUR SCONES. They taste like ass."

Russia, being the creeper he is, decided to scare everyone and ask, "Is China here? I want him. And France: Stop taking Viagra."

"Viagra? Psht! This is all me!"

"I have to go now guys! Mattie, call me if this gets rough," America whined.

"Da! I can't wait to see all of you in horrible pain!" Russia smiled like a psychopath.

France's rape face grew even creepier (If that was possible) "Ooooo I like it when you talk like that, Russia."

"Baibai!" Canada said before leaving.

"I want China! Where is he? I want him!"

"I'm sleeeeeeeepy." France says. "I'll dream of all of you, my loves!"

oOoOo

Norway shut his laptop, threw his head back and sighed. He had _finally_ finished turning a Facebook rp into a regular-format fanfic. Canada was going to do it, but was lazy and left the job of sharing the crack with the rest of the world to him.

"Hey, England. Is this good? I think I took some of the funny away from it."

"It's fine, Norge. Still as awesomely hilarious as it was. But I suppose that it's one of those moments where you have to be there in order to get the full funniness."

"Yeah. I'm going to read some Fanfics for a job well done!"

"RusAme?"

"You know it!"

"I still don't get why you like that so much."

"Cuz it's hot."

"USUK is better."

"In your dreams."

"Mattie and I have to work on our project now. You should work on yours too."

"But it's boring~!"

"I don't care."

"…Fine"


End file.
